i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
