Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
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you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
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I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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