Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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