Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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