Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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