Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
