I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
