i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
