the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
