I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
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He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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