I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
