i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
