just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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