My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
