I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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