I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
