i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize