There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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