**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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