awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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