I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
