Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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