break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
