i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
