She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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