If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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