i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
