i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
