Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
