Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
