My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
