This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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