I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
