why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
