I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Holy sore nipples Batman
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm like, not good at living.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
