dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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