Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
