the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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