what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
