those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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