i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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