dude i'm inner monologue high
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
