Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I look better un-naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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