there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
