I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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