I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
not ubering you a puppy
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
