On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
