Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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