booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
