You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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