That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
