he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
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His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
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I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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