Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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