i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
