1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
