Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
