..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
