You really coming over, don't trick.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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