Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize