I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
