redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
