I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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