dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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