Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think I sprained my soul last night
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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