Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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