go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
