C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
