I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
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