I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
