1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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