Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept

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(864): View more from South Carolina

she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.

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(518): View more from New York

I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward

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(208): View more from Idaho

Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.

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(707): View more from California

Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...

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(541): View more from Oregon

Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy

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(703): View more from Virginia

Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug

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