When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
