Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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