why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
