Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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