new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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