Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
