I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
