I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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