My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
