dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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