After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
