fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
