did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
