Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
