Betty ford says i'm here all night
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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