tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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