I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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