Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
